Il tempo rallenta in momenti duri

Rotto, in pezzi
Ho a malapena a reggersi

My best friend tried to kill herself... for the second time.

She has depression and usually she has to take regular strong pills. She was getting better; it almost was as if it never happened. But things change; they have to, don't they? They say we have to follow our path and that time is just an ally of our destiny, but why is it so scary to some people, why it has to be my best friend.

She has been there for me since ever. She is the one person who knows me entirely, all my qualities, all my freaky-goofy ways, all my flaws that even she thinks they are cute and make me human and tender...

Why does she want to leave me? Why? She knows I need her sooooo bad, she's the one I call at 4:00AM when my only problem was that I couldn't open the JIM jar for my peanut butter sandwich. You know those moments in life when everything seems so strange and you are the newbie and you feel you can't possibly ever fit in... and then just in those seconds one girl snaps into 'ur face and make you realize that you have everything and you don't need to fit in 'cause you are already a winner & winners don't need to fit in, its the other way around... well, my best friend is that kinda girl; The girl who inspires you to be the best you can be (mainly because you don't want to look bad in front of her or disappoint her...)

I can't see her, she is in the hospital and only her parents are allow visiting her... Her parents blame me and another friend for what happened. I know it's not our fault, but why it feels it is my fault.... I should had known better, I should had done something... even when I didn't knew what was happening... I felt something weird and I didn't question why. I just, let it slip away...

I feel broken, pain, I want to stop crying but I can't... and the only thing that I thought could make me feel better was to write about it... but it only made it worst...

I want to see her, I want to snap at her and make things better for her... I want her back; I want my best friend back again...